The lies flow warm and liquid, like blood through the collapsed arteries of my crippled body, pouring from my lips like venom from my open wrists. Sticky, rich, and seductive, the lies cover and smother all that is pure and clean with their darkness until the truth cannot breathe beneath the weight of these poisonous deceptions. I rest my head, anxious and uncertain, on a pillow of woven lies, trying to find the comfort of sleep in the chaos of deceit. I close my eyes, losing sight of my truth and giving in to the false hope that lies beneath this sea of betrayal and broken trust, falling backwards and plunging into the depths of my dishonesty. And there I shall dwell, until I fight and claw and kick my way to the surface to breathe in the cool sharpness of the truth for the first time in my short existence.
The warmth of deception is safe and comfortable. These heavy shackles of ice cold metal cut into my wrists and ankles and they have become my home, welcoming me into their painful embrace, promising me safety and bringing me only pain. The icy fingers of deception cradle the frailty of my shattered self and keep me safely held away from the only thing which may mend these cracks in my soul; the truth.
The truth frightens me, the heat of its light searing my flesh, left transparent from so many years spent living in the darkness of deceit. Exposed and torn open for all to see, my insides pour and flow and seep and drip onto the cold sidewalk of my broken life for the world to dissect and ponder and judge. This is honesty. My life, lived outside of myself in the open, exposed to the elements; to the rain, to the storm that is the world, and this is where I long to be, and where I have begun to drag myself only recently.
I cannot contain the fear that lives within me. The fear spills from the pores of my skin. Like a stench, you can smell it on my body as it festers within and boils over the edges of my being. The fear hangs over me; heavy like a cloud, it pollutes my vision, blinding me and keeping me from seeing or accepting the truth as I must. I must not allow my fear to keep me from the suffering of a world of honesty. I will embrace this suffering and this honesty with open arms, knowing that it will never compare to the pain known in a life lived in deception